It’s been too long since my last post. I’ve been avoiding my duty to write (yes, it’s my duty). No matter how vulnerable I feel, I must write. It’s a necessity for my future. I must evolve by sharing my life and experiences.
From now on I will reach out and connect. I will ask for help when I need it. And I will help where I can. I’m starting over. I’m rebuilding my life. It starts here with me leaving California and being with my daughters in Kentucky.
I allowed them to leave with their mother in 2009. It was a mistake. I have my ignorance to blame. At first, I thought they would return. Then I figured I could visit regularly and eventually relocate to be closer. But then their mother filed for child support. I could no longer afford to support myself. I needed to find a better paying job. I was confident my degree and relevant work experience would help. I was overconfident. My ignorance prevailed.
It started with a plan. It was influenced by the all too familiar illusion of equal opportunity and the American dream. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was designed to fail. My plan was to gain five years of relevant work experience with my new bachelor’s degree in communications so I could get a better job. And of course, when I say better, I mean more money. It shouldn’t be about money, but you should at least be able to support yourself.
The plan manifested after I realized chasing paychecks wasn’t the best way to live. And being unemployed once for a few months motivated me to go back to college. I wanted a career. After being a ramp agent, package handler, mail sorter, order picker, printing press operator, cashier, and crowd controller, I knew it was time for a change. My lack of focus kept me from getting a degree after high school, but I was ready to try again. After a few years of taking classes whenever I could, I finally received my bachelor’s degree in communications.
I was distracted by my own hollow expectations and dreams. I was better off before I went back to college. Now all I have to show for it is student loan debt and no job. I don’t regret my education. I regret how I obtained it. I could go on about how the economy sank and my plans were spoiled before they even began, but instead I will say, I should have spent more time on the Internet. I had my chance to in 2011 when I found myself unemployed again. The Internet woke me up.
So here I am. I’ve been stuck here, unemployed, for two years. It’s hard to admit it. I know it’s not all my fault. I did a lot of job searching. I started with my relevant experience and ended with my past experience to only be told my past experience isn’t recent enough. I’ve been discriminated and ignored with no explanation (even after asking). I have come to realize that it will never be the same. I know too much. I can never go back to relying on a job. I’ve had to rely on the people who love me, but it’s time to rely on myself and like-minded individuals. I have to rely on those who understand and want to help. We have to rely on each other.
My financial situation is bleak. It looked better when I was a wage slave and had no college degree. Even though I’m starting over with a negative net worth and no money in my pocket, I’m still optimistic. I know I’m not alone. My new plan is to meet new people for collaborations in new adventures and projects. And hopefully I’ll find a way to support myself and my daughters in the process. It’s frightening and exciting, but mostly frightening.
I’m not here to beg for a job. I’m here to share my experiences and find new opportunities. I’m not looking for pity. I’m looking for empathy and hope. I want to make meaningful connections with caring, innovative, open-minded people. I want to help solve problems, big or small. So let’s get started. I arrive in Louisville July 4. I will be in Owensboro that night and after. How long I stay depends on you. I’m open to traveling to near by cities. If you can help in any way, please do. I’m open to couch surfing and any advice you may have. Tour guides are welcomed as well. Let me know how I can help. Thank you.
Also, please feel free to share your experiences. I welcome your comments and suggestions. Thank you for reading and following. And always take care.
[ Email: seonaugustine @ gmail dot com / Twitter: @seon ]
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